More to Life

#STORYTIME

In my MTV days, there was a music video by the artist Stacie Orrico called More to Life that I loved watching. Even now, I quote,  "There's gotta be more to life," whenever the issues of life overwhelm my soul. There is something about experiencing waves of life that produces pain or conflict. Although life has a way of teaching us valuable principles, it does not stop us from being overwhelmed or at least wanting hardships and situations to cease.

The beauty of life is that it sits in the palm of Lord Jesus' hand. As a believer, I understand everything responds to His deity. His mind, His ways, and His intentions are holy. His timing is perfect.  The way He invites us to encounter His glory is faultless. I know the Lord to be faithful. 

But if I am being transparent with my thoughts, I've been finding it hard to submit my life to the one He is proposing.  It's one where He desires me to submit to the prophetic.  It's interacting with a supernatural world that the Lord Jesus is adapting me to. For example, showing up to church aware of when atmospheres change, when His presence manifests, or when I encounter the heaviness of someone's world. It's being so sensitive that the Spirit of Discernment physically makes me sick. Prophesying even the most difficult things in the eyes of loved ones.

Not only is He offering a life that involves being an asset to His Kingdom, but a life that submits to refining, remaining in postures that keep my heart pure before Him.  I captured this while experiencing wrongdoing by working an amazing session with students, and afterward, was told I wouldn't receive the payment we'd agreed on. Yet having to accept the instructions of the Lord by taking the money, to be sweet, kind, and offer understanding. Or coming into an office and having to sit with colleagues who are gossiping about me.  We are all transitioning from our positions and because they were vocal about their advancements, I was made to look like I felt some way about their leaving. The truth of the matter is the Lord was in full command of transitioning me, and there wasn't anything to announce. My move was sacred to my faith and the Lord. Yet I had to walk into an office with the instructions of the Lord to be sweet and kind while showing no offense, nor should I give any lead way of knowing what's being said about me. Having to watch them isolate from me.  Having to capture their whispers yet still had to show myself to be friendly. 

Here is the Lord calling me into fellowship with Him. To dwell in His presence and submerge me into the call He has over my life. Yet I am ready to run. Not because the Lord is scary but because I keep permitting the ways of life or people to exalt against my submission to Him. Wanting Him to defend me from the whispers of those calculating wrong about me. Running from power because it surpasses my human intellect. Running because I care way too much about what other people think about me.

The same life I'm singing "There's gotta be more to life" because I feel the impact of how I've been treated, is the same one He's aggressively pursuing to use for His glory.  A loving Father ready to use His daughter for His Kingdom now has to deal with that side of me that keeps choosing something else above Him. And if I were to throw myself under the bus, I look selfish. It's one thing to experience impact, but it's another to deny the Lord's fellowship with me because of how something makes me feel.

Jesus is more than capable of handling life issues. Even more, using my life as a testament because the Kingdom of God is at hand. Running from His supernatural nature, His world, and His pure existence because it's beyond something I can't control is a great offense to the Lord. God is Spirit. He is supernatural. He calls me into a life from His point of view. 

Dwelling in deeper depths with God grants me access to see Him for who He is. Yet having a relationship with Him but only on the terms that make me comfortable displays my wrongdoing to the Lord. I always hear as believers our life is not our own. In addition to the scriptures, Jesus said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." The part that seems to come in conflict for most is the "deny himself" part. It's easy to forget to stand firm when you feel vulnerable and weak. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying not to feel the emotional and mental impact of whatever you are going through. I'm simply offering a perspective that even as life hits you from left field, don't let it overshadow the Lord's pursuit of you and how He chooses to use you. 

Understanding that no matter how the Lord chooses to display His glory, He is still good. Despite life experiences, the Lord still desires to partner up with us to show a dying world He's coming for His precious treasure. No, we are not denying the impact we feel. But if we choose to stay in the impact, we are still denying  Jesus the right to be Himself.  We deny the Lord the opportunity to shape our perspective even in wrongdoing, trials, sickness, false accusations, or hardships. We deny Him from being a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. How can God show us His glory through our problems if we want God to rescue us before problems can refine us? Could it be that problems and circumstances are opportunities for God to build us up on our most holy faith.

TO THE READER

What do you do when the Lord Jesus chases after you? Not because you left the 99 but because He knows you are ready to be used for His glory. For some being talked about carries no great offense but for an individual who hates conflict and fears other people's opinions, I surely let it overshadow His pursuit of me. I can date back to the moment I noticed how aggressively The Holy Spirit started coming for His and my relationship. All at the same time preparing me for how He would use me to display His glory. He came for the area that had my deepest hurts, muzzled cries, and ugliest wounds. The area I disliked but craved the most. The area where my prayers were full of sorrow and despair. He came for my desire with intimacy and companionship. Although He has redeemed my cries of despair. Gave me a crown of beauty for ashes. Placed me in the hands of the sweetest man I adore and love, I started to fight against the way the Lord chose to demonstrate what He desired for me.

Forgetting to delight in a relationship that is from the heart of the Father because I was more worried about the demeanors and opinions of others about it. Desiring to be private with the beauty of this relationship, yet instructed by the Lord to not hide His glory. To not hide the goodness of the Lord. To not hide the Lord's doing. I am to partner with Jesus and His desires to reveal purpose in relationships. To give hope to those who turned away from a covenant with the Lord through marriage. To offer a different perspective about relationships from culture. Yet here I am not being bold in the Lord's doing because of someone else's opinion.

I wrote this blog post because the Lord had to stop me right in my tracks. He said we as people treat our problems, concerns, and situations like toddlers with their favorite toys at daycare. Holding on to them, not wanting to share. We love choosing to be lovers of ourselves because of how things make us feel. Rather than standing on the side of truth. We don't want to share in our present suffering to give hope to the person sitting next to us. We stop letting God be God because life issues offer a different perspective. 

Here's the thing, there is more to life than hardships or disappointment. No, it doesn't feel good, but it never stops Jesus from desiring fellowship with you or me. He offers us more to life from His point of view. It's a life where God takes problems and issues and uses them for glory. When the Lord is ready to use us for His glory, sometimes it won't look appealing. The process is frustrating. We want Him to get revenge on those who hurt us.  The truth is problems invite themselves into our tomorrow.  And the things we secretly juggle seem to have found a rhythm in our emotions.  Yet God is still who He said He is. GOOD. No matter how He chooses to demonstrate His goodness, God is still good. 

I had to repent! He found iniquity in my heart. by way of closing off my channels on how He speaks to and through me. I was hurting the Lord by way of being in deeper depths with Him, yet ignoring Him because of fear, refusing truth, trying to protect how I may look, and pulling a Jonah with accepting His call

In my heart, the Lord found a war between anxiety and my love for Him. Being anxious about outcomes, other people's opinions, my character, and my reputation, I let anxiety sneak into my heart and make everything about me. The Lord Jesus is my lifeline. He's my secret place. In the depths of my soul holds a burning altar that worships the Lord Jesus. Yet in the very place He dwells and sings me songs of rejoicing, circumstances, and situations let anxiety tell me what to think, and what's wrong.  

So in closing, I leave you with this.. Allow the Lord to display His glory. Allow Him the opportunity to be Himself with you and for you. I pray He softens your heart. I pray you to see Him for who He is. He's a really good God. May your hearts transform and be yielded to Him. May you see the goodness of the Lord.

Love, Kevonna 🌻

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