Hidden Years
#STORYTIME
SUMMER - FALL- WINTER - SPRING
I have always been one who spent a substantial amount of time in my thoughts. One of the struggles I have with this is spending more time living for my future or focusing on the next season of my life. Too distracted with daydreams of my "future expectations" or the reality I wanted to have, today's actuality seemed to rotten away. I used to go through each day, not realizing how absent-minded I was in my present. I imagine living in a place of excitement rather than being present in my current reality. The more I looked at my current state, the more I desperately lived in the imagination of "My Next." My life wasn't producing the world I cared for. It wasn't the exciting future I dreamed about.
I didn't comprehend the value of "this is the day that the Lord has made." There was no rejoicing. My life felt like it sucked. From my outlook, it seemed as though everyone's life was this big social party. From falling in love with hobbies, having friends, being in relationships, or having a social life, It felt like I only had school. It was the only thing that seemed to work well for me or at least something I grew fond of. Although I was in Drill Team until my late teens, I only stayed because it was a great escape to keep me busy. It's the only thing that kept me feeling visible in a world where I felt more Hidden.
Every year like clockwork, we experience God's created set time of seasons. We watch our environment adapt to weather changes as different parts of the Earth prepare to receive its conditions. I love the Fall and Winter seasons because I love the honor it brings, such as hoodies, boots, and Holidays. In the Fall, leaves change their color and broadcast the glory of crunchy leaves on the ground. Yet in its splendor, it brings a reminder that things are dying, and soon figures become bare. Winter is my absolute favorite because it brings me Christmas. I also celebrate a Birthday. However, when I look at the nature of Winter, it exposes, changes appearances, dormancy happens and even brings discomfort. It is in Winter we stop seeing the glory of leaves or the blooming of flowers. We no longer see summer vacation highlights or see our life as the "big social party." Winter retracts. Winter stops all advertisements.
WINTER BRINGS PREPARATION FOR THE NEXT GLORIOUS SEASON.
Within the last five years, I carried prayers in my back pocket that pleaded with God to change my world. My reality seemed so distant from the one I was asking for. I wanted a relationship. I craved the experience everyone seemed to be enjoying. Being single was the reality I wanted to escape. I believed I could offer more of myself in a way that fostered love and companionship. I wanted to be seen without the burden of trying to gain other's affection and attention. However, my reality groomed more Winter than any season created. It seemed the more I prayed, the more years of Winter I received. I held future expectations of dating and "living my best life." 🎶 When in return, I was exposed to deep roots of insecurity, triggers from childhood, and things in my heart, producing doubt, not Faith. I was so ready to replace a season of singleness, that I prematurely exposed myself to a life I wanted and ended up getting my heart-broken. Me trying to prematurely move out of a season where God strategically has me hidden crafted more delay, a fight for my Faith, and years of grieving a life I cared for. Yet as I continue with this blog post, I'm glad I prematurely moved.
SEASONS ARE SACRED PLACES
It was between the years after I prematurely moved, my focus grasped in on my reality. The truth about it, I was letting singleness decay in the hands of insecurity. While letting walls of shame and guilt host their presence in the deep parts of my imagination. It's no wonder why I spent more time daydreaming about a new place of excitement within a relationship. Singleness seemed like a punishment from God, rather than a sacred place with Him. "Why hasn't it happened for me yet, is there something I'm doing wrong?" was the go-to line in my journals. After deciding I should make something happen on my own, I then discovered God is just as much with you in Winter, just as He is in Summer, Spring, and Fall. Each season is a sacred place. It's a place worthy of awe and respect. I didn't learn of this place within singleness until I had to fight for my Faith and spend the next five years grieving disappointed expectations. I saw how sacred Winter was. I discovered my years of Winter as God's grace of Hidden Years.
HIDDEN YEARS: PLACES/SEASONS OF DEVELOPMENT
It is within the Hidden Years of my Winter that God had to shake my identity. My Faith at the time was shakable, and I only trusted God on the level where I felt He would come through. I knew God to be the provider when I came to having a job. I've seen Him tread my feet into areas where I know for a fact ONLY He can take credit for. However, throughout my singleness, I've been disappointed many times. Yet God in all of His Wisdom knew how to walk me back into this sacred place. As I examine the last five years of my life, it's important to note that God had to develop my perspective on walking into a new season. Our next season means a new dimension in which God applies a different strategy to perfect us in being His sons & daughters. When we allow Him to develop our hearts and attitudes in Winter, He can add more pressure in Spring. Otherwise, we'll be entering into our "next cycle," not "next Season." In other words, as a single woman, I'm learning how sacred it is to develop my relationship with God, not a man. I'm positioning myself to be groomed by the Fruit of the Spirit, not cutting "So and So” up a fruit salad (Lol! I made myself laugh 😂). My point is, that as I am being developed in one sacred season, God in all of His Deity will move me into the next sacred one.
Even though I prematurely interrupted a place of development, the walk back into this sacred place has been the most gratifying journey I have been on in my life. Instead of seeing the "potential" of what I wanted, which caused me to move prematurely, I can now compare and recognize the fullness of what God wants me to have. Although I go through different phases of grieving a disappointed expectation, I learned there is still more to gain after rejection. I can now walk maturely to God's utmost and receive what He has for me. So whenever God chooses to move me into my next sacred season, it will be for His glory, not mine.
TO THE READER
As a single person, I have always heard, "Enjoy your season of singleness." or "Enjoy the season you are in." I think I have spent more time learning from it than enjoying it. (It seems pretty hard to focus on Winter when it looks as though your generation is enjoying "Summer Bacations." but I digress lol!) Although I agree that anyone should enjoy the season they are in, I wish more teachings on the value of "Seasons are Sacred Places." were outspoken than the pressure of merely enjoying it. I genuinely believe if I had taught more about the importance of how sacred my reality was, I would have spent more time trusting God in a place where I felt more hidden than trying to escape it.
I say all this because I am reminded of how we get maybe 10 percent of Jesus's visible life recorded in the Bible. In His hidden years, we can all agree it shaped Jesus to be the Person we know based on His last three years on Earth. To endure a cross taking on every sin of mankind. To have a legit prayer life and to walk in His spiritual gifts with authority. Jesus knew who He was. He knew where He came from, Jesus knew where He was going. All of it came from every sacred season and every Hidden Year of being developed. Throughout our lives, God takes us in and out of spiritual seasons. From visible to invisible. From seasons of stillness to seasons of action. Whichever season you are in, I want to pray over you.
I pray for you to have the wisdom to learn how to walk in your current season and not rush through it. I pray you allow God to change your world in His time because He is the giver of every perfect gift. I pray He gives you clarity even in the darkest moments of your life. I pray you see the glory of God's goodness in the middle of a season that seems like torment. There is no wall He won't kick down, no lie He won't tear down coming after you. I pray you to partake in this developing process. As hard as it may seem and how tiring it may be, you are being groomed to be the best version of yourself. I pray God grants you access to a community of like-minded people to be around you. A community of friends that uplifts you and speaks the very word of God's promises into your life. I pray for the Fruit of the Spirit over you. I Pray Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control become waves like the oceans in the deepest, darkest parts of your world. I pray Jesus in all of His Deity becomes Lord in this sacred place you are in. I pray you see this sacred place as a gift and not a punishment. I pray over you, Seasons of laughter and joy.
To the reader, God has something grand for you. Trust Him to give it to you. (Then share the good news with me cause ya' girl is nosy and I want to celebrate with you! )
I pray this blog post finds you well. In Jesus Name, Amen!
Love, Kevonna 🌻
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