Being Kept
TO THE READER
May the Lord bless you, and keep you (Numbers 6:24).
One insight I've gained as a Christian is the profound value of being kept. Not just being physically protected from seen or unseen danger, or being guarded emotionally and mentally, but God’s preservation of His will. Yesterday, in prayer, I felt as if the Lord examined me as a soldier who was pulled off the battlefield to check wounds, or any deep cuts, and of course, He saw one that was alarming. He asked me a question that pricked at the depth of my heart, and the answer I gave the Lord highlighted why I keep getting triggered.
To bring you into my secret place/altar with the Lord, what currently sits before Him is the sting I sometimes feel from others once I have obeyed the Lord. It feels as though I am fulfilling the Lord's assignment, and once I finish it, I struggle to progress beyond that point.
In detail, on the spiritual side, I’m constantly moving in obedience to what the Lord wants to do with me in totality. Sometimes, the way He goes about it hurts because of the natural ramifications I experience from my act of obedience. For the last five years, the Lord has been guiding me to undertake specific tasks for His glory. When I fulfill these tasks, they reveal the hidden agendas in people's hearts. I will witness a change in someone’s behavior that the Lord wants me to pray for, or He’ll move by His Spirit that causes me to move prophetically. Although no one knows the request the Lord Himself has asked me, I feel the heat because I am the face of it. Where I’ve been facing challenges is when it often feels personal.
I find myself needing to distinguish between fulfilling my responsibilities and not taking things to heart, trusting that the Lord will handle the results. For example, it’s Him inflating a water balloon, tying it up like a piñata, and instructing me to pop it without knowing that it might splash others. I followed the command and burst the water balloon, only to realize that five people below ended up drenched. It’s me having to move forward in the aftermath, and letting God be God with the details. Even when the details are God coming for the parts of me that care about what others think about me. The complexities of His method of killing two birds with one stone. He chose me to confront this issue because it reveals my longing for acceptance to experience love, as well as my fixation on how others perceive me. He selected me to “pop the ballon” because He aims to teach me to draw my acceptance and love in Him when I face rejection from others. As far as the ones who got wet, it’s accepting that it’s none of my business, and those details are for His glory.
I always hear, What you do for the Lord will last or Your obedience is better than sacrifice. Yet I often don’t hear the transparency of the outcomes, the crushing, the pain one feels in the natural, because of what the Lord is doing in the spirit. Though I may feel the sting of challenges, He takes this opportunity to refine me. This process is one I must yield to, as it also uncovers the beauty of God’s heart in preserving me. He will do whatever it takes to maintain my identity in Him, particularly when He sees me attempting to uphold any false image that does not truly reflect Him. In transparency, it’s Him making sure I stay kind in purity, and not be kind for survival. What sits at my altar before the Lord is the heaviness of wanting to be accepted and loved by people. For the Lord to keep me, He must rid and deliver me from people and my need for their acceptance.
What I’m learning about being kept is that God is not just a keeping God, but He is a COVENANT keeping God. That His protection over us becomes territorial as our Creator. When God establishes, He also remains faithful to complete what He started. He will keep His agreement on what He said and thinks about you. God is faithful in keeping us to remain in the image of Jesus. He’ll preserve our minds, our hearts, keep us from physical and spiritual danger, but most of all, He’ll keep us living in Him. God is such a God of covenant, that He’ll remain obedient to His own word.
The stings of life invite God to restore the underlying issues that grip us at the heart. The stings give God permission to shape, mold, and anoint. I’m learning obedience allow God to keep our hearts. I may not know your stings, but I do know God is brilliant in His methods. Even when we don’t find them to be favorable!
He’ll keep the legacy in our bloodlines.
He’ll keep us so that each generation can tell of His works.
He’ll keep the dignity of His creation.
He’ll keep the Holiness of His Name.
He’ll keep you so that you remain in His likeness.
Love, Kevonna 🌻
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