The Secret Place
Every year, like clockwork, my thrill and nostalgia for romantic Christmas movies begin to unravel. It seems like I can’t get out of summer quick enough to rewatch my favorite movies for the one-millionth time. One thing I love is a good Christmas movie. The more romantic, the better. I am grateful to truly savor my favorite time of the year with such movies, especially since it hasn't always been this way.
Romance somehow invites a sense of comfort and this release of emotional expression. I’m convinced that we girls will sit and binge through romantic cinema or TV shows because they either explore fantasies of having a deep, intimate connection with someone or simply offer an escape and/or hope. For me, it was all the above. It was something about capturing the fairytale “happy ending”, “she gets the guy” framework, that ignited what I believed in.
On the contrary, the more I hoped for what I saw in movies, the less I experienced in reality. The more I prayed for the chance to star in my own Hallmark Christmas trilogy, the less engagement I experienced with men. Let me be honest, I’m talking about no interactions at all. My idolization of the holiday season, seeking the feelings of warmth and comfort I saw in films, ultimately led to coldness and despair. Christmas was no longer about Christ; it was about me living out a Hallmark Christmas movie. What I desired from entertainment didn’t meet me in reality. However, a turning point came when the Lord Jesus met me where movies couldn’t. Christmas movies drew me into a secret place with God that radically changed my fantasies and desires for what a true, intimate connection is.
The Secret Place
It came to a point where I needed a break from anything romantic. A novel, a TV series, a movie, it all had to come to a halt. No more escaping, I needed reality. I stopped seeking romance and cultivated my time with God. The more I felt a sense of loneliness, the more I journaled. Before I knew it, I started spending more time in the presence of God than in any atmosphere that sparked what I desired. During this time with God, He began to uncover why I made romance an idol. It was my deep desire to feel accepted, seen, and loved.
Who knew the romance in Christmas movies would send me straight to Christ?
Not because I didn’t know Him. I was desperate for a life I knew was possible, and I believed He was the only one who could make it happen. It was during this cultivated space that the unmasking of what I felt internally took place. I became vulnerable, honest, open, and real. In return, the Lord became my vault, my shelter, my judge, my counselor, my freedom, my hiding place. Jesus became a secret place for my despairing soul.
One of the things I love about the secret place with God is His attention to detail. He’ll reveal the answers to questions we didn’t know we had. He’ll open up wounds we’ve concluded were our fault, and offer a perspective that comes with freedom. Lastly, which is my favorite, He’ll show up. After all, isn’t that part of our expectations, for someone to show up? Therefore, I knew I had to show up too. The more I sought after His presence through journaling, praying, and reading scriptures, the more I became acquainted with His presence. He’ll invade my thoughts with dominant questions. He’ll ask me to talk to Him as if He were a close relative I knew, and told me to be honest whenever I pray. His presence would provoke vulnerability. He’ll wake me up at odd hours of the night to spend time with Him. I truly found myself wanting to be in His company all the time. What I was seeking from Christmas Hallmark movies or novels, the Lord Jesus gave me something better. He just didn’t offer me companionship. He offered me identity, truth, and friendship. He became the reality I was looking for and later gave me a community (husband, family, friends) that reflects His intentions from our secret place.
TO THE READER
One of the things I notice about God is that He is so quick to lean into our broken hearts. He’s ready to prune out the areas of ourselves we want to keep hidden from Him. The same environments we create for ourselves for peace, to feel loved, seen, or heard, etc . He’s awaiting to create an environment of His own so that our souls remain nourished. The environment is full of unconditional love, protection, grace, and safety. For that to always be our REALITY, we have to choose the secret place every single day of our lives.
My prayer for the reader is this: I pray you give yourself permission to cultivate a space, time, and routine with God that allows you to become familiar with Him. Familiar with how He thinks, but most importantly, familiar with His goodness. We love the environments we create for ourselves because they grant us this security system we build for protection. But if we are protecting ourselves, we forfeit God’s strategic ways concerning us, and those ways are good!
I pray for any areas of self-sufficiency. Those areas we mask as self-sustaining but are truly an enemy to the Lord. I pray that you will be overwhelmed by His care for you. And every area you find yourself controlling, you discover your hands of protection will never be good enough.
I pray for those who have developed a secret place with the Lord, and now it's burning like an altar to your soul. I pray you develop a sacred love for God. That nothing penetrates it or uproots it by any desires or environments you find to be an answered prayer. Because the Lord has answered your prayers, may you find yourself in deeper intimacy with Him. Don’t lose your fire, don’t lose your vulnerability, and don’t forsake your covenant with Him.
I pray for those who are new to the idea of building a secret place with the Lord. I pray that whatever you find your security, comfort, and/or identity in, you concentrate your affections on the Lord Jesus instead of the environments you find to be safe. I pray your focus on Him shatters every idea you may have had about your life. I pray that as the Lord reveals Himself to you, you discover the true beauty that lies within you! May that beauty be His love, His light, and His care for you!
In Jesus’ name, Amen
Love, Kevonna 🌻
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